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Christian survivors are often chastised and re-traumatised by many other Christians in their various religious communities due to mis-interpretation of the scriptures and the failure of many religious leaders to learn to tackle domestic abuse effectively.
Narcissistic personality traits have been written in the bible long before any medical or psychiatric diagnostic and statistical manual was ever formally produced.
When we talk about domestic abuse or narcissistic abuse in intimate relationships, we're not merely talking about ' marital conflicts', 'misunderstandings', 'anger issues', 'love or lack of it' neither is it about 'prayerlessness', 'women and their mouth' , 'lack of submission', 'unforgiveness', 'we're all Christians', 'sins' or 'just a difficult person'.
📌 Domestic abuse or Narcissistic abuse involves U-N-R-E-P-E-N-T-A-N-T, REPEATED cycles of physical and very subtle non-physical violent behaviours perpetrated in an insidious manner.
“Narcissistic personality traits have been written in the bible long before any medical or psychiatric diagnostic and statistical manual was ever formally produced.”
Relevant Scripture
📌✅ 2 Timothy 3: 2-5 1 But understand this, that in the last days dangerous times [of great stress and trouble] will come [difficult days that will be hard to bear].
🔥🚩2 For people will be lovers of self [narcissistic, self-focused], lovers of money [impelled by greed], boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy and profane,
🔥🚩3 [and they will be] unloving [devoid of natural human affection, calloused and inhumane], irreconcilable, malicious gossips, devoid of self-control [intemperate, immoral], brutal, haters of good,
🔥🚩4 traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of [sensual] pleasure rather than lovers of God,
🔥🚩5 holding to a form of [outward] godliness (religion), although they have denied its power [for their conduct nullifies their claim of faith].
⚠️🚫👉🏽 Avoid such people and keep far away from them.
📌When many or all of these character traits are identified in one person, the instruction here is clear -
⚠️🚫👉🏽 AVOID SUCH PEOPLE AND KEEP FAR AWAY FROM THEM.
The DSM-5
📌✅ Now compare, 2 Timothy 3: 2- 4 to the listed criteria for the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in the fifth edition of the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5)
🔥🚩A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
🔥🚩 1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
🔥🚩 2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
🔥🚩3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
🔥🚩 4. Requires excessive admiration.
🔥🚩 5. Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectation of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations).
🔥🚩 6. Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends).
🔥🚩7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
🔥🚩8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
🔥🚩9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours and attitudes.
📌The criteria listed in the referenced bible passage and the DSM-5 capture the key traits of narcissistic pathology, however the reality of the lived experiences and the devastating trauma from prolonged exposure on the primary target and/or the children involved can't be overemphasised.
Things To Bear In Mind
⚠️🚫 These traits don't 'suddenly change' in them just because they bear the title husband, wife, mother or father or any religious or spiritual title or just because a fellow religious narcissist laid hands on them.
⚠️🚫 They do not change by merely declaring 'accepting Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour'.
⚠️🚫 They're untameable demons in human form with the mission to steal, to kill and to destroy.
⚠️🚫 They DO NOT CHANGE but they actively change their targets and the cycle of abuse continues.
⚠️🚫They're wolves in sheep's clothing.
⚠️🚫 The signs ARE NOT ALWAYS THERE AT THE ONSET of the relationship. Some abusers mask their destructive behaviour and personalities better than others in the beginning of the relationship.
As Christians, please, let's be guarded. We can certainly do better.
Dear Christian Survivor,
💜✅ You did not create these toxic personalities, so you CANNOT save them just because you're married to them or have children with them 👉🏽 1 Corinthians 7:16
💜✅ Your prayers and 'christianese' WILL NOT save them. They're rebellious against prayers
💜✅ Your 'encounter' with them is a result of generational errors. It's certainly NOT your fault you're abused neither is it 'your cross to bear'
💜✅ You certainly don't HAVE to endure it any second longer
💜✅ Reach out for support outside of your church group
As always, thank you for reading. Please leave your comments and feedback. Feel free to share.
Much love,
Feyisitan
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